Lost in Translation

If you know me, have met in me in passing or only know me by reading this blog, you might have the suspicion that I may or may not be a little bit sarcastic. I also use words incorrectly and sometimes my compliments are not really kind.

When I was in 8th grade and my bff from Jr. High, Melissa was in 7th grade, we started telling people things were lovely when we didn't like it. We heard the early '90s version of 'I know, right?!' It was a beautiful thing!  I've taken it to a new level.

Here are a few examples.

• If I call you a genius or smart, I'm not complimenting your intelligence.
• If something is lovely, nice or neat, I don't find it attractive.
• When I call you lame, a turd or tell you you don't stink, we're friends. (My Mom's favorite words were turn and the swear word that begins with sh and ends with it. I guess she taught all her kids the same thing because we all do it.)
• Awesome can be used as an adjective to describe good, bad or other. It's the perfect word! It's AWESOME!

Here are some other fun facts. (The word fun in interchangeable as well, to be fun or not fun depends on the tone. You decide this time)

• I call my most loved ones Ferguson (or Fergie) or Cheney. Have you ever seen celebrity Jeopardy on SNL? There is one skit where Burt Reynolds changes his name to Turd Ferguson. Ferguson is just another way to call someone a Turd...in public. Cheney works because it really is our name.  Nicole is Cheney girl. Matthew is Cheney boy. Anna is little Cheney. You get it. I'm unkind.
• I screen my calls. Sometimes I just don't want to talk. 80% of my phone calls are from 5 people. If I missed your call, I may not have missed it. 
• If I may or may not have done something...if I wasn't supposed to do it - I did. For sure. If I was supposed to do it - it's a toss up.

hmm...I'm thinking if there's anything else I should confess here.

• Gina and I text each other swear words with no explanation. We're naughty.
• We also send each other pictures of ourselves making mean faces.

Okay, I think that's good enough for one session.

• poop