Confessions From a Church Pew

In my life I have:

• gotten the attention of a sibling or child by tapping them with a sacrament tray.
• pinched a child to make them cry so I could leave the meeting.
• worn two different shoes to church, three weeks in a row.
• made up my own words or sang my own tune to hymns being sung during sacrament meeting.
• taken two pieces of bread smushed together. (I was a young child, but I did it every week for a year or so. I never got caught.)
• cried while someone shared a happy story from the pulpit.
• laughed while someone shared a sad story from the pulpit.
• eaten all the treats I brought to church for my children to eat.
• removed that child from a meeting.  You know the one, the parent takes their child out while he is yelling for the Bishop to save him.
• witnessed people making out or come close to making out during church.
• watched a Deacon eat more sacrament bread from his tray than he passed out...week after week. (He had special needs.)
• heard a soda can opening during a quiet--serious part of fast and testimony meeting.
• heard Amazing Grace sung acapella from the pulpit as a testimony after the singer declared the Holy Spirit had taken him over. (It was AWESOME btw.)
• held an 18 month old in my lap while he slammed his head into the pew in front of him repeatedly.
• never slept through a meeting since I was old enough to stay awake. (age 29 was the magic age.)
• driven to church when I lived three blocks and walked when I was over a mile.
• had a lot of good laughs while thinking to myself and silently thanking Heavenly Father "I'm glad that's not my child."