Monday, April 11, 2011

dream vs reality

reminder: this blog is my journal. You may not care about this post. If you don't want to read about my mom, scroll down to the bottom and watch a sweet YouTube video.

Last night I had a dream that my mom died. It was all of the sudden. She was in perfect health. We all walked around like zombies. We didn't know the funeral directors/embalmer - or the funeral home for that matter. There was a lot of crying and moping and many of us lacked direction. When the funeral was over we went out separate ways and life did not seem to go on for many in the family.

This is a huge contrast to how it really happened.

Mom was sick. Before they diagnosed her cancer she was not doing well. Although we were surprised she was taken so quickly (28 days from diagnosis to death) we knew her cancer was terminal.  Mike Woodhouse (Ken's new co-worker) was the funeral director. Ken embalmed her. We had a party. The 9 days we were in Washington for mom's funeral was the best visit I had had in many years. There was some crying, but there was a lot of laughter and love. We talked of the good times and saw tender mercies all around us. We ate good food she loved and played Rock Band the night we buried her. It was as happy of a time as it could have been.

Yesterday in Relief Society I sat by a lady who is new in the ward but an old friend of our family. She was in Bremerton 2nd ward for a few years. She asked me how mom was doing. I had to tell her she died and I felt bad for her. She started crying. I found myself at the viewing again. I don't know how many people I hugged that were crying like crazy people. I just told them it would be okay and I assured them that Mom really loved them. I did that again yesterday.

Obviously, this morning Mom is on my mind. Here are some things I don't want to forget about her.

  • Her laugh was great. She laughed with her whole body.

  • Her first impression of people was correct a lot of the time.
  • She drove me crazy.
  • I loved her.
  • She played the piano like a ninja. There's a gal in our ward who is a musical genius. When she plays the piano I cry buckets. Her music skills remind of my Mom. A lot.
  • She told her grandchildren, 'You may have two grandma's, but  I'm the cute grandma.' 
  • She too hated cats.
  • She loved to dance.
  • I'm certain she would have loved InsideOut A Cappella
This morning I am thankful for Jesus Christ. I love him so much. He carries me most of the time. I'm grateful my parents were married in the temple and that Ken and I were married in the temple too. We are an eternal family. My mom is with Robert, a thought that makes me green with envy and helps me sleep at night also. The scriptures bring me peace. Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. A brave one. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and the strength it provides me to keep going.

Families are Forever.


Kate said...

sometimes your posts make me feel like a spiritual midget. You are pretty great. :)

Southern Queen of the Crazies said...

Your mom had to have been awesome - because you are. :)

Garen Anderson said...

Thought I'd let you know Dedra that your mom DID love InsideOut music... particular Primary Colors... Garen and I found the album after hearing it playing in a church bookstore and bought it... we played it for her upon our next visit and she thought it was awesome!

<3 Andrea

Lacy said...

I seriously LOVED this post so much.

I remember when my sister died... our time together was much the same way. All of the family talking about good times and celebrating her life...

I remember being in the reception line at the viewing and I had been dealing with her death for a few days as well as knowing it was coming for a month or so. People would come in who had just found out and were SO upset. It was really hard to see that and to see myself and my shy brothers trying to comfort them. But it made me feel good that so many people loved her.

Your MOM sounds AWESOME!!! especially the ninja piano skills.
The cat thing, well, that just makes her all the more endearing to me, just like you. Maybe you two know something I don't...somedays I hate my cats, like today when it's cold and wet outside and they are following me all over the house crying to go outside, but when I open the door they won't go...

Dedra, you have an amazing testimony and I am so grateful for Heavenly Father bringing us together, you have been an inspiration to me and have given me lots of laughs. I CANNOT wait to meet you in person... wow!

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